after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Just high enough for therapy.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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