I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
