4 words: hood of his car
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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