saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
so let's talk penis.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
