My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
