haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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