so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
