my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Randomize
