she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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