Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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