I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize