what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
