A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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