Your dad touched me again.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
