Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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