What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
The cops high fived after they tackled you
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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