took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
