I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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