Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
