Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Randomize
