covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
