i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Randomize