just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
