you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
