I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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