god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
