dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
