We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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