i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Randomize
