I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
