My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
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