Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
