don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize