Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
