is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
