she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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