3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
