hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I FOUND THE LEGS
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize