I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
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