Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
