Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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