you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
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