dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
