They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
