I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
