This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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