hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Randomize
