May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I think a kid would responsible me up
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
