Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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