this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
