I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
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