I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
