so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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