just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize