the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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