Rock
Scissors
Fuck
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize