Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize