Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
third nipple confirmed
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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