I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Randomize
