i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
COCAINE IS GR8
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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