Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I think my moral compass just broke
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
