theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize