Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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