you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
